How To Build Up Healthy Connections With Those You Lead and Serve?
Pay attention, affirm often, give sincerely, serve diligently, be present in spirit, mind and body
They say we are in an epidemic of loneliness, that in our world people are experiencing broken connections and fatiguing isolation. Something in our culture is driving people apart, keeping us tired and feeling like we are on our own. What will bring us together?
If you are a leader, one of your responsibilities is to keep the people in your organization connected to you, to each other, to those they serve, and to the overall mission. This work of leadership and connection has become significantly more challenging in our culture of increasing loneliness.
How can you build healthy connections with those you lead and serve in your organization? You may not be able to stem the cultural tidal wave of isolation, but while people are in your care, you are not helpless.
PAY ATTENTION: Spend time with the people you lead.
By that I mean be fully present when you are with individuals or teams. Not multi-tasking, not texting or scrolling, not letting your mind drift off to other worries.
Be present in those moments, make them matter, and pay attention to them as a person. Enjoy being with them.
It’s not so much the frequency of the time you spend with your people, but the purposefulness of the connections and the quality of the time you are fully present with them.
AFFIRM OFTEN: Credible words of encouragement and affirmation build nurturing connections.
Especially from paying attention to the work of those you lead. It means you see them, you are around enough to speak about their accomplishments. Words matter, they are a source of life.
Most everyone is under-encouraged, most everyone wants to be reminded that their work matters, and that the effort they put into doing the right thing is appreciated. Written notes, verbal praise, employee of the month, funny texts, and memes - there are many ways you can build up healthy connections through your words. Be honest in your affirmations, though, no need to fluff or be too general.
This also matters because when it comes to correction or change, your effectiveness is tied to your credibility.
GIVE SINCERELY: Make sure your team has what it needs to succeed together.
Physical space, equipment, and tools, furniture and supplies are all part of everyday work life, and your ability as a leader to make sure your team has what they need in good working order matters. When stuff gets worn or broken or goes unprepared or neglected, it can hurt morale and erode connections.
A tangible way you show that you care and build stronger connections for those you lead is by making sure they have what they need to succeed. Often our physical space reflects our interior space: neglect in maintenance or gift-giving is often connected to our self-neglect and personal stinginess.
Alongside this, little gifts of appreciation go a long way, tokens of gratitude, and meaningful sharing of meals or experiences are practical ways to show you value them.
Consider ways you can build connections through how you give permission, opportunities, solidarity, power, and a listening heart.
SERVE DILIGENTLY: Use your power to lift up others.
Most organizations are hierarchical, with a leader at the top and everyone else somewhere lower in their pyramid. This kind of culture creates leaders who are looking to advance up the ladder, which means they can too easily use other people as a means to a self-promoting end.
But the most connected and effective organizations are ones where the leaders are also servants, where they consider a core part of their work making sure those they lead are strongly supported.
When a supervisor checks in on their team and asks if there is anything they can do for them and a practical suggestion is given, and then the supervisor does it, going above and beyond the original request, what kind of culture do you think that creates? As opposed to a supervisor who considers acts of service below them?
Connections are built through experiences that build trust, and for leaders this often comes when they serve others in light of the mission in a competent, caring, respectful, and trustworthy way.
BE PRESENT: physical proximity matters as a leader - talking face-to-face reveals a lot more than a phone call or a text. Eye contact and body language reveal a lot of how well you are communicating.
Being around can show you care, and how you show up reveals what kind of priority you place on people. Sitting across from a desk for a conversation is different than across a coffee shop table, which is different than going for a walk or on a road trip. People are spirit, mind, and body - your appearance, your skills, your attitude, and your whole-person engagement with others is all part of your leadership. Knowing when to fist-bump or high-five, when to sit close or at a reasonable distance, knowing how to respect physical boundaries but also being proximate in a caring responsible way is important.
Being present and safe in your spirit, mind and body helps build healthy connections with those you lead, fostering trust, relatability, and respect.
Excellant! Thank you!